June 20, 2005

It's Official

...I'm now a certified fuddy-duddy.

Just consider what splendiferous find I rejected this afternoon: perfect maternity underwear from Victoria's Secret.

I made a trip to the mall today to stop by Old Navy and do some other things. Walking past VS, I glanced at the windows and did not a double-take, but a triple-take. One of the mannequins was wearing what I can only describe as reverse-thong underwear: material for both sides of the gluteus maximus, but a gap of material in-between to display the cleft between the buttocks. Don't worry about the whole modesty thing; there were three perky pink satin bows holding the gap closed like safety pins across a gaping tear.

My response: What on earth would you wear over such an underthing? Panty lines have nothing on outlines of bows under a skirt or pants.

My mom's response when I described them: How does one sit down in them? Isn't it uncomfortable to feel bows embedded into one's rear?

Trent's response (which cracked me up): Does this mean you'd no longer have to put your underwear down to go to the bathroom?

Hallelujah that I'm past the age where I would have pooh-poohed this publicly but secretly wanted to have the body to wear them. Now? I wholeheartedly, 100% consider them utterly, insanely ludicrous.

Victoria can keep this secret, for all I care.

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